So You are Vegan and it's Thanksgiving...

I'm not going to lie to you, Thanksgiving is tough when you are the only vegan in your family and you go to sit around a dead bird and talk gratitude.  Aside from the food issue, you generally end up around a big table and everyone asks each other questions about their lives that they would rather not discuss (obviously, my family is crazy in a non-Hallmark way, so I'm basing this on movies and my friends' horror stories of questions about when they are getting married, why they haven't been promoted, and what classes they are taking this semester).  In my family, this hasn't been as traumatic, but there's still time.

What I've generally done is celebrated Friendsgiving or attended/hosted a vegan potluck for Thanksgiving for many years, and now I host with just a few family members.  I like to cook, so I like the challenge of doing the whole meal.  I also keep a vegan home, so hosting means I don't have to explain or argue about dead animals, they just aren't there.

I realize that's super lucky, though, so here's my advice for surviving Thanksgiving as a vegan:

What will I eat?

We can pretend this holiday is about anything more than food, but let's skip that for now (I don't need to tell you how to express gratitude, celebrate family, mourn some really terrible history of race relations between Native people and colonizers, etc.), so let's skip to the food part.

If you are going to dinner at a non-vegan's house:

• Call ahead!  No one wants to be told at the door/at dinner that you aren't going to eat the brussels sprouts cooked with bacon or the salad that has blue cheese all through it.  It's much easier to meet your needs in the planning stage than on the day of.  I'm lucky because I have a milk allergy for 12+ years, so my family and friends and I have already been through the, "Did you cook this with butter?  Is there cheese in this?" enough times that they know to avoid it and will generally call me ahead to make sure.  That means the veggies and mashed potatoes and such for me have been vegan for a long time anyway, just because of my allergy.  I've found that some people prefer suggestions rather than what you can't have.  
  Instead of, "I won't be eating anything cooked in butter, cream, or with cheese."
  You can say, "I have always loved the roasted carrots you make, but I think they usually have butter on them.  Would you mind using a dairy-free margarine like Earth Balance or a vegetable oil?"  
  Many of my friends have simply made small dishes of stuff "Erin Friendly" and left off the cheese or used a veg oil in place of butter just on my serving.  I like to think my approach helps a lot.  Especially when you mention that you DO want to enjoy the host/hostess's cooking, you are setting it up to be easier.  Make sure you go through and mention, "If there's cheese on the salad do you mind putting it on the side?" or if there is going to be vegetables cooked in/with meat or meat stock, could the host use veggie stock and put the meat on the side?  Little alterations like that are nice peacekeepers.  Always be prepared that they might just say, "It's a part of the recipe, I can't change the whole thing!" and be prepared to bring some dishes of your own.
• Bring something!  On that call ahead, mention that you are happy to bring a side dish and/or dessert.  My go-to has always been to bring a big pan of stuffing, since my vegetarian days when i didn't want to eat sausage stuffing/dressing (I'm just going to call it stuffing because I was raised wrong but I can't change).  With a big pan of stuffing, you can hit all those familiar Thanksgiving flavors, fill up, and IMHO that's all you need.  If you are overwhelmed by the prospect of making stuffing from scratch, a lot of those box/bag mixes are vegan, then just use veg broth and Earth Balance buttery spread with the recipe.  
  -Here's a Stuffing recipe I wrote a million years ago in another life.
  -Green Bean Casserole is another filling and delicious holiday favorite.  Again, recipe from another life/another blog
  -Mashed Potatoes.  It's not always going to be the case that your host is down with making vegan mashed potatoes, so bring your own.  I like to add a little vegan mayo instead of vegan butter for a creamy texture.  For super decadence, Just Mayo makes a Truffle flavor that was made for potatoes.
  -Mac and Cheese.  This is going to be hit and miss and some people love vegan mac and cheese and some don't.  Be ready to take leftovers home or have to fight your cousin who is always going on about bacon.  You just never know.
  -Cookies/Pie/Bars.  There are so many great recipes out there, you probably have a favorite.  I like to a bar in place of pie just because you can hold it with your hands, get a smaller bite, and try more things.  The Caramel Pecan Bars from Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar are absolute perfection and I don't really believe you will find a more perfect Thanksgiving desert.  The Sell Your Soul Pumpkin Cookies in the same book are pretty amazing too, though.